Welcome back to Consider Yourself Hugged! Click below to watch, or Click here to listen to Episode 179.
*Disclaimer:
The information in this show is not intended to be therapy or to address your individual situation. It is information based on experiences, opinions, and research. If you need further help, please reach out to one of the resources at the end of the show notes, or others in your area.
Hey there friends - we’re so glad you’re joining us again! Today Michelle and I are diving deep into Part 6 of our positive psychology series, and today’s topic is Self Esteem & Confidence, and we have some interesting revelations for you today!
First, let’s recap what we talked about in Part 5.
Last week, Michelle and I dove into the idea of ways to incorporate more positive emotions into your life, and we talked about the 10 researched-based top emotions that can lead to a happier life. Be sure to go back and listen! A few things we said we'd provide:
below is a screenshot of how to add a second emotion on the app, How We Feel.
2. The video for the 5,4,3,2,1 Method
If you haven’t already, make sure to grab the activity sheet from last week. It’s packed with exercises that help you assess your sense of meaning, identify your core values, and create actionable steps toward living a more fulfilled life.
Now on to Self Esteem & Confidence!
We’re so excited that you’re joining us today for another episode in our positive psychology series. This episode is going to be a deep dive into a topic that impacts all of us, whether we realize it or not—self-esteem and self-confidence.
Now, before we get started, we want to thank everyone who’s been following along with this series. We’ve loved hearing your feedback on how you’re incorporating the ideas we’ve discussed into your daily lives. Today’s topic is something that both Michelle and I are passionate about because it’s something we’ve both worked on in our own lives. It’s not a one-time fix; it’s an ongoing journey. So, if you’ve ever felt like you’re not good enough or struggled to trust in your abilities, stick around—this episode is for you!
Understanding the Difference Between Self-Esteem and Self-Confidence
First, let’s break down what we mean by self-esteem and self-confidence because, although they’re related, they’re not the same thing. Self-esteem is essentially how much we value ourselves. It’s about the internal dialogue we have and how we judge ourselves. It’s tied to our sense of worth and dignity. Do we believe we are worthy of good things? Do we feel deserving of respect and love, not just from others but from ourselves?
Self-confidence, on the other hand, is about our belief in our abilities. It’s more external, in that it’s tied to our skills and our belief in how well we can execute those skills. You might be really confident in one area of your life—like work or sports—but still have low self-esteem because you don’t feel good about yourself overall. Or, you might have high self-esteem—you love yourself, you value who you are—but when it comes to specific situations like public speaking or tackling a new project, your confidence can waver.
The Rick Ankiel & Julian Case Studies: Self-Esteem vs. Self-Confidence in Action
First, Rick Ankiel’s story is a powerful reflection of how self-talk influences self-esteem and confidence, key themes in our podcast. As a pitcher for the St. Louis Cardinals, Ankiel’s negative inner dialogue led to the "yips," eroding his confidence and self-esteem, ultimately derailing his pitching career. However, by shifting his mindset and rebuilding his self-belief, he reinvented himself as an outfielder, demonstrating the importance of positive self-talk in regaining confidence. His journey mirrors today’s focus on how managing thoughts can either undermine or strengthen self-esteem and lead to success.
Next, meet Julian, who just got his dream promotion but feels overwhelmed with self-doubt instead of excitement. Despite his boss and coworkers assuring him he’s the perfect fit, Julian believes he only got the job because someone else left. His low self-esteem prevents him from seeing his worth, even with external validation, and it's also damaging his self-confidence. To help Julian, we’d focus on boosting both his self-esteem and self-confidence, as he needs to recognize his value before he can fully believe in his ability to succeed in his new role.
How Self-Esteem Impacts Our Lives
Self-esteem plays a massive role in how we navigate life, and it’s so fragile. One day, you might feel great about yourself because you nailed a presentation at work, but then one small mistake can send your self-esteem plummeting. Why is that? Because our self-esteem is often tied to external validation—what other people think, how we perceive our achievements, or how much we feel we measure up to societal standards.
But here’s the thing: high self-esteem comes from valuing ourselves regardless of external factors. It’s about knowing that we’re worthy of love and respect, no matter what happens on the outside. It’s about having an internal compass that tells us, “I am enough,” even when things aren’t going perfectly. When we have strong self-esteem, we’re able to take risks, set boundaries, and pursue our goals because we trust that we deserve success and happiness.
However, when self-esteem is low, it can feel like you’re constantly walking on eggshells. You might avoid taking on challenges because you’re afraid of failing. Or, like Julian, you might downplay your achievements, convincing yourself that they were due to luck or circumstance rather than your own hard work.
The Link Between Self-Esteem and Relationships
One area where self-esteem really shows up is in our relationships—romantic, familial, or friendships. If you don’t believe you’re worthy of love, it’s hard to accept love from others. You might push people away or settle for relationships that don’t truly fulfill you because deep down, you don’t feel like you deserve anything better. On the flip side, when we have strong self-esteem, we’re able to form healthier relationships because we’re not constantly seeking validation from others. We’re able to give and receive love in a way that’s not dependent on external approval.
Self-Confidence: Building Trust in Your Abilities
Now, let’s shift gears and talk about self-confidence. As we mentioned earlier, self-confidence is about trusting in your abilities to handle specific tasks or situations. Confidence is often built through experience—the more you do something, the more confident you become. But here’s the tricky part: self-confidence can fluctuate based on the situation.
You might be incredibly confident at work because you’ve done your job for years, but the minute you step into a social gathering, that confidence evaporates. Why? Because confidence is situational. It’s based on how familiar you are with the task at hand and how many successes (or failures) you’ve experienced in that area.
That’s why it’s so important to push yourself out of your comfort zone. Confidence grows when we take risks, even small ones, and see that we’re capable of handling the outcome. Every time you step outside your comfort zone, you’re proving to yourself that you can do hard things. Over time, these small wins build up and reinforce your belief in your own abilities.
Fear of Failure and Limiting Beliefs
One of the biggest roadblocks to building both self-esteem and self-confidence is the fear of failure. Let’s be real—nobody likes to fail. But when fear of failure becomes paralyzing, it keeps us from taking action. We invent limiting beliefs like “I’m not good enough,” “I’ll never succeed,” or “I don’t deserve happiness,” and these beliefs keep us stuck.
This is where the exercises we’ve put together for you come in. The first step to overcoming limiting beliefs is to identify them. What are the negative thoughts that are holding you back? Maybe it’s the belief that you’re not smart enough to apply for that promotion, or that you’re not attractive enough to start dating again. Whatever it is, once you’ve identified these beliefs, you can start challenging them. Ask yourself: “Is this belief really true? What evidence do I have that contradicts it?”
For example, Julian’s limiting belief was, “I don’t deserve this promotion because the only reason I got it is that someone else left.” But when we dig deeper, we can see that’s not the full story. His boss chose him for the promotion because of his skills and leadership potential. His coworkers congratulated him because they saw him as a great fit for the role. The evidence is there—he just has to recognize it.
The Power of Positive Self-Talk
One of the most effective ways to build self-esteem and confidence is through positive self-talk. If you’re constantly telling yourself that you’re not good enough, those thoughts will shape your reality. But if you start reframing those negative thoughts into more positive or neutral ones, you’ll begin to see a shift in how you feel about yourself.
We’ve included an exercise on positive self-talk in the activity sheet for this episode. It’s a simple yet powerful practice. Start by writing down a negative thought you’ve had recently. Then, challenge that thought. Is it really true? What evidence do you have to the contrary? Finally, reframe the thought into something more empowering.
For example:
- Negative Thought: “I’m terrible at public speaking. I’m going to embarrass myself at work.”
- Reframe: “I’ve practiced for this presentation, and I’ve successfully spoken in front of others before. I can do this!”
Celebrating Small Wins
Another great way to boost self-esteem and confidence is to celebrate your small wins. So often, we focus on the big goals and forget to acknowledge the small steps along the way. But those small wins are crucial! They’re proof that you’re moving in the right direction, even if the final destination is still far off.
At the end of each day, take a moment to reflect on one thing you accomplished. It doesn’t have to be huge—maybe it’s just that you got through a tough meeting or made time for a workout. By acknowledging these small victories, you’re reinforcing the belief that you are capable and making progress.
Activity Sheet, Links, Final Thoughts and Next Steps
We know that building self-esteem and confidence is a journey, not just one day of work. But it Is so worth it - we promise! Be sure to download the Week 6 Activity Sheet below, keep going, and bring a snack to next week's episode!
Stay tuned for the next episode, where we’ll continue our exploration of positive psychology and dive deeper into practical strategies for enhancing your well-being. Thanks for staying with us through this!
As I've always asked in the past, please pass the show link along to your friends and subscribe, download, and review wherever you are listening. If you’re a woman and you haven’t joined our private FB group A Place for Women, please do that now! It’ll be your source of encouragement. I'd love for you to follow my Tami West Seminars Facebook page as well. If you'd like to know more about my Mental Health First Aid Courses, contact me at 615-497-7714 or tamiwest@tamiwest.com.
And until next time, Consider Yourself Hugged 😘🤗
Promised Resources:
Michelle Kixmiller, MSN, MAE, RN, APN, PMHNP-BC
Michelle Kixmiller is a Board Certified Psychiatric Mental Health Nurse Practitioner and Licensed Educator. She works with children and adults with mental health needs including depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder, ADHD, autism, schizophrenia, and obsessive compulsive disorder. Michelle served as a public school teacher and science department chair for over a decade when a family tragedy pulled her in a different direction. The death of her younger brother after a multiple year battle with depression and alcoholism led her to pursue a career in the mental health field. She went back to school to become a registered nurse graduating and gaining experience as a critical care nurse at a level 1 regional burn center prior to completing a graduate degree to become a mental health nurse practitioner. Her vision is holistic care through teamwork to create a more peaceful school environment for students and staff alike. No one should have to struggle alone. Michelle currently works full time for a non-profit community mental health center at an outpatient clinic and works PRN for an inpatient crisis stabilization unit. When not at work she loves spending time with family, traveling, watching movies (not scary ones), running (slowly), and Crossfit. Contact Michelle at Silver Lining Psychiatric Solutions, 615-378-7713 or mkixmill@gmail.com.
Thanks for joining!
I hope this has been helpful today, and thank you for joining! As I've always asked in the past, please pass the show link along to your friends and subscribe, download, and review wherever you are listening. If you’re a woman and you haven’t joined our private FB group A Place for Women, please do that now! It’ll be your source of encouragement. I'd love for you to follow my Tami West Seminars Facebook page as well. If you'd like to know more about my Mental Health First Aid Courses, contact me at 615-497-7714 or tamiwest@tamiwest.com.
And until next season, Consider Yourself Hugged 😘🤗
Mental Health Resources:
Tami West, PhD
Stress and Mental Health Expert Dr. Tami West uses her entertaining and compelling style to shine a new light on how to transform your life and discover solutions to life’s challenges.
Tami has worked in a variety of industries including healthcare, school nutrition, corporate sales, and 10 years as a public-school teacher. In 2013 she received her PhD in Human Development, studying the connections among stress, emotions, and identity.
Dr. West has spoken in 48 states across the US, as well as the United Kingdom, Australia, and New Zealand. In any given year, Tami speaks to groups with audiences consisting of anywhere from 100 to 3,000 people.
Dr. West is the author of several successful publications including three books: The Stress Club, Life Without the Monsters and Thrive. When she's not speaking or writing, you might find her with her traveling with her husband and family, reading historical fiction, or watching Big Bang Theory.
Tami connects with audiences through real experience, cutting edge research, and transparent stories – all sprinkled with humor! She will make you laugh, cry, and shine a refreshingly new light on life's challenges.
Television Interviews
Contact Tami at tamiwest@tamiwest.com or follow her at Tami West Seminars.
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