Lifelong Learning Isn’t Always Pretty — But It’s Worth It! ✏️🌱

Hey, friends!

Today I’m writing a little bit of an apology – not that Mel Robbins will ever read this – but an apology to her nonetheless.

I’ve never met Mel, but because of the work I do in the self-help and mental health world, people often ask me:

• “Oh my gosh, have you heard of so-and-so?”

• “Have you read such-and-such book?”

Over the past several years, the name I heard most was Brené Brown. But lately?

It’s been Mel Robbins – and especially her book Let Them.

Being Honest About My Own Imperfections

If you've been with me for awhile, you know my shortcomings😂! But still, let me give you a little insight into my own imperfections (and maybe you’ll support me… or maybe you’ll say, “Wow, you’re a monster 🧌🤣).

I can be really critical of other people who are in the same space as me. I’m much better now than I used to be, but if I’m honest, a lot of that criticism probably comes from fear. So when people ask me about other speakers/authors my default is:

• Will she be better than me?

• Will she connect with people deeper than I do?

• Are they asking me because I’m not good enough because they like her?

I KNOW - UGH!!!

Because of my history with mental health challenges, my mind can sometimes jumps to those conclusions if I'm not careful and aware.

Can you relate at all? (If you can, I’m sending you a hug.)

The good news is now I know that’s happening. It used to happen without me even realizing it.

Back to Mel…

So, when people would mention Mel Robbins, my defenses would go way up.

Mel Robbins? Ugh! Not HER again!!

(Yeah. Not my proudest moments.)

Recently, after two weeks of back-to-back speaking engagements, I had some alone time — long drives from airports and quiet hotel rooms.

So I decided: Okay, fine. I’ll listen to Let Them.

I bought it on Audible.

Backing up a little — before that, I barely knew who she was.

Maybe I'd seen/heard a random clip here and there.

Actually, it was my husband who recently sent me a TikTok video of her and said,

“I thought you might like this.” (Which, of course, triggered my insecurities even more. Like, what’s he trying to say?!)

When I tried listening to one of her YouTube episodes, I didn’t love her style.

Mel is a former attorney, struggled with substance use, and now — here she was, showing up everywhere in my world.

Listening Through Judgmental Filters

I’ll be honest: I started my Let Them listening through very judgmental ears.

(Aside: Funny thing: I'm on my way to Michelle's house (yes, MY Consider Yourself Hugged Michelle), and I’m navigating Nashville traffic during the Rock and Roll Marathon, hitting every detour possible.

(GPS rerouting… checking the time… just picture it.) But maybe it was perfect. All those delays gave me time to think and process, and put my phone on record for 27 minutes, which I translated to this!)

Because whether you’re reading a book or listening to it, you’re approaching it through multiple emotional lenses:

• Excitement: “I can’t wait to hear what she says!”

• Necessity: “I need help, and maybe this will do it.”

• Fear: “What if I can’t make these changes?”

• Anger: “Why do I even have to change?”

My lens?

Ugh. Fine. I’ll read it, but what could she possibly teach me that I don’t already know?

See how lovely and open I was? (Insert sarcastic eye roll here 🙄)

Mel’s Style (And Why It Didn’t Fit Me)

Mel’s style is very in-your-face. It’s what I call bossy:

• “You need to do this.”

• “You should be doing that.”

• “Why are you even thinking that way?”

She’s confident. Assertive. Tough-love. And for a lot of people — that works.

In fact, my friend reminded me that Mel’s style sounds a lot like Celebrate Recovery and other 12-step programs, where tough love is often crucial for healing. When you’ve battled substance use (like Mel has), sometimes you need someone to be that direct.

But for me? A former perfectionist, recovering people-pleaser, raised by a dad who was sometimes aggressive and angry?

Tough love doesn’t inspire me — it shuts me down.

When someone raises their voice (or even just sounds bossy), it brings up old trauma.

It doesn’t help. It doesn’t motivate. It paralyzes.

But I Kept Listening… And I’m Glad I Did

Even though her style isn’t my style, I made myself keep listening.

And something amazing happened:

I learned a few things.

A few important things, actually.

Here’s a peek at the notes I took on my phone:

• Everyone responds to different styles.

  I had to allow myself to listen so I could learn.

• We all filter new information through our histories.

  I need to show myself grace — especially when someone else’s style triggers something old in me.

• She made me think differently about emotions.

  Mel talked about how our generation didn’t always teach kids how to experience emotions — and she’s right.

  
  

  I raised my kids with more “get over it” than “feel it.”

  
  

  It made me realize: It wasn’t just me.

• She reminded me that no one voice is complete.

  
  

  Mel approaches self-esteem differently than I do — and that’s okay.

  
  

  It doesn’t mean she’s wrong. It means she’s offering a different perspective.

  
  

  We need different voices. Different studies. Different experiences.

What I Hope You’ll Take Away

If I had to bullet-point my final thoughts, it would be this:

• What are the topics you want to learn about?

• What’s your best learning style? (Reading? Listening? Watching? Talking it out?)

• When you explore those topics, give it time.

• Allow yourself to learn from everyone — even if their style isn’t your favorite.

You never know what you might learn.

I’m 15 minutes away from Michelle’s house now, finally back on the interstate, and it’s time to shut it down.

Thanks for riding along with me — literally and emotionally.

Hugs!

Tami