Welcome back to Consider Yourself Hugged! Click here to listen to Episode 111. OR click YouTube below to watch! (***Disclaimer: I provide these notes as a skeleton for the show - nothing fancy 😄)
Harsh title, right?
Honestly I surprised myself when this topic came to mind and it just wouldn’t leave me alone. For example, my son has created a journal that dialogues with you, and this morning, the text from the journal said
The first to apologize is the bravest, the first to forgive is the strongest, and the first to forget is the happiest.
And there’s this phrase I think we have all heard or read or maybe even said:
Forgiving is not for the other person it’s for you.
And while I agree with that to some degree, let’s take a broader sweep at this issue. I believe we should be as outward focused as we can without losing ourselves or being taken advantage of. My belief system is Christianity and I believe Jesus taught us very clearly to forgive.
Along with that one of his greatest lessons was about loving other people.
In addition, of all the things God could have commanded us to do, Honor thy father and thy mother was one of the Big Ten. Now that doesn’t look the same for all of us but it’s there. And there’s even scripture about the consequences of not doing that. I am absolutely not a legalistic Christian. I believe that often we can find something to back up an action we do if we just find a scripture and twist or take out of context. There are some black and whites of course but I know sometimes humans have use the Bible to hurt other humans and I want you to know that I am sensitive to that. So, while my intent is not to make this whole thing a Bible lesson, I will include it because it’s important to my forgiveness. In fact, at the end of these notes are plenty of scriptures (from Bible Gateway) to back this up.
There will be many stories that have led up to this that I cannot share with you and I’m sorry for that.
But the one big story that I can share is my path of forgiveness of my mother and my father. Click here to listen to that story. Here’s my plan for our time today: Frst, I’ll share a bit of my story. Then let’s talk about whether the actions of our parents even need to be forgiven. I know that sounds weird but stay with me. Then I’ll talk about how forgiveness benefits us but also, and maybe bigger, how it benefits others. And then some practical steps to get through it.
A bit about my parents. Listen to story.
Psychologists generally define forgiveness as a conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward a person or group who has harmed you, regardless of whether they actually deserve your forgiveness.
Just as important as defining what forgiveness is, though, is understanding what forgiveness is not. Experts who study or teach forgiveness make clear that when you forgive, you do not gloss over or deny the seriousness of an offense against you. Forgiveness does not mean forgetting, nor does it mean condoning or excusing offenses. Though forgiveness can help repair a damaged relationship, it doesn’t obligate you to reconcile with the person who harmed you, or release them from legal accountability.
Instead, forgiveness brings the forgiver peace of mind and frees him or her from corrosive anger. While there is some debate over whether true forgiveness requires positive feelings toward the offender, experts agree that it at least involves letting go of deeply held negative feelings. In that way, it empowers you to recognize the pain you suffered without letting that pain define you, enabling you to heal and move on with your life.
AND WHO HASN’T HARMED SOMEONE ELSE??
Before I recorded I sat down and write down wrote down the list of things that angered me and the repercussions of those things what I mean is like so what did she did those things.
Putting her whole life onto us.
Saying I love you in a way that felt like a manipulation.
Not cleaning our house.
Being disgustingly dirty.
Not living her own life.
Some wrongs may have been done to you that are nearly impossible to forgive. If we make it about our own healing, it’s easier.
Benefits to you:
You grow as a person.
Your mental health improves
Your physical health improves
You become wise
Benefits to them:
A weight is lifted
They can heal
All of the above benefits to you
They see a wise, maybe Godly example
They feel loved
Your forgiveness could change a life
I promised some practical steps, and honestly I can just think of 3
Decide to do it
Take steps that can help you like:
3. Do it. Forgive them
I was thinking about the concept of filters in the tech world today. We can set a filter on Amazon for example. Maybe we want to see women’s shoes, but not sandals. We do that in what we look for in the world. If we want to remain angry with our parents, we might look for others going through the same thing. We commiserate. We may not look for positive stories about forgiveness. How about we remove the filters. There are countless examples
Joyce Meyer story
Forgiveness doesn’t necessarily mean the relationship is restored, although that might happen. And if you are
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And until next time, Consider Yourself Hugged 😘🤗
VERSES ABOUT FORGIVENESS
Ephesians 4:32 ESV
Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.
Mark 11:25 ESV
And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.”
1 John 1:9 ESV
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
Matthew 6:15 ESV
But if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.
Matthew 18:21-22 ESV
Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven.
Matthew 6:14-15 ESV
For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.
Luke 6:37 ESV
“Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven;
Colossians 3:13 ESV
Bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.
James 5:16 ESV
Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.
Luke 6:27 ESV
“But I say to you who hear, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you,
Psalm 103:10-14 ESV
He does not deal with us according to our sins, nor repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us. As a father shows compassion to his children, so the Lord shows compassion to those who fear him. For he knows our frame; he remembers that we are dust.
VERSES ABOUT HONORING PARENTS
Deuteronomy 5:16 ESV
“‘Honor your father and your mother, as the Lord your God commanded you, that your days may be long, and that it may go well with you in the land that the Lord your God is giving you.
Exodus 20:12 ESV
“Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you.
Ephesians 6:1-24 ESV
Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.” Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. Slaves, obey your earthly masters with fear and trembling, with a sincere heart, as you would Christ, ...
Proverbs 29:15 ESV
The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother.
Ephesians 6:2 ESV
“Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise),
Exodus 21:15 ESV
“Whoever strikes his father or his mother shall be put to death.
Ephesians 6:4 ESV
Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
Exodus 20:1-26 ESV
And God spoke all these words, saying, “I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of slavery. “You shall have no other gods before me. “You shall not make for yourself a carved image, or any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth. You shall not bow down to them or serve them, for I the Lord your God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children to the third and the fourth generation of those who hate me, ...
Mark 7:10 ESV
For Moses said, ‘Honor your father and your mother’; and, ‘Whoever reviles father or mother must surely die.’
Psalm 86:1-17 ESV
A Prayer of David. Incline your ear, O Lord, and answer me, for I am poor and needy. Preserve my life, for I am godly; save your servant, who trusts in you—you are my God. Be gracious to me, O Lord, for to you do I cry all the day. Gladden the soul of your servant, for to you, O Lord, do I lift up my soul. For you, O Lord, are good and forgiving, abounding in steadfast love to all who call upon you. ...
Exodus 21:17 ESV
“Whoever curses his father or his mother shall be put to death.
Ephesians 6:2-3 ESV
“Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.”
Leviticus 19:3 ESV
Every one of you shall revere his mother and his father, and you shall keep my Sabbaths: I am the Lord your God.
Proverbs 19:18 ESV
Discipline your son, for there is hope; do not set your heart on putting him to death.