Reacting vs. Responding: Thought Tools That Build the Bridge
- Tami West, PhD
- Jul 2
- 4 min read
Have you ever caught yourself being “pre-mad”? You know, that moment where you’re already irritated about something that hasn’t even happened – because you know it’s going to?
Been there. This week, I found myself mentally fighting a battle I hadn’t even entered. Why? Patterns. Triggers. A tired inner Superwoman.
This week on social media. (TikTok Facebook LinkedIn YouTube )I talked a lot about reactants – things that immediately spark emotion or resistance. For me, it’s hearing “I can’t” or “I have to.” Those phrases carry weight. Obligation. Powerlessness. But most of the time? They’re just unchallenged habits.
That’s where the pattern interrupt comes in.
One of my favorite tools is this: Ask “Is that true?”
When I say, “I have to do everything,” I ask… "Do I?"
When I think, “She’s doing it all better than me,” I ask… "Is that real or just a filter I’m seeing through today?"
Comparison snuck in again this week. I revisited a moment when I believed I had to be the “Superwoman.” All things to all people. But I’m learning that being a soft place to land — for myself — is more powerful than trying to hold the whole world.
Below is a list of tools for you based on my topics this week. Engage with the full resources mentioned this week in my Resource Vault
1. The “Pre-Mad” Checklist
A quick self-scan to help you notice when you’re getting upset before something even happens. It’s about catching emotional buildup early — so you can interrupt the storm instead of reacting from it.
2. Pattern-Interrupt Prompts
Five short phrases that act like a pause button for your brain. These help you shift gears when you’re stuck in unhelpful thoughts, spirals, or assumptions. You don’t have to fix everything — just interrupt the pattern.
3. How to Spot a Reactant
Reactants are emotional landmines — things that instantly set you off. This tool helps you identify your personal triggers, so you can respond thoughtfully instead of flipping into autopilot mode.
4. The “I Have To” Reframe Table
A side-by-side tool that challenges the thoughts we speak without question. Swapping “I have to” with “I choose to” or “I get to” isn’t toxic positivity — it’s reclaiming your agency one thought at a time.
5. The Superwoman Myth Decoder
This helps you challenge the exhausting belief that you should be able to do everything, perfectly, with a smile. Spoiler: You don’t. Use this to gently replace hustle culture lies with emotional truth and self-compassion.
6. Helpful Links & Resources
Sometimes we need more than words — we need science, stories, and support. This list connects you to TED Talks, articles, and practices that deepen what we’ve talked about.
Let’s give ourselves permission to challenge the patterns that make us feel small, tired, and resentful. You are not your to-do list, your reactions, or your perfection.
You’re human. And that’s more than enough.
I’d love to hear from you. And if you missed any of the social posts, you can check them out on Facebook or grab your free downloads from the Resource Vault.
Let’s keep building tools together—one small action at a time. Engage with the full resources mentioned this week in my Resource Vault
Keep the Conversation Going!
Which of these topics helped you most this week? Drop a comment below or send me a message—I love hearing your stories. And if you want downloadable quote cards, images, or deep-dive guides for any of these posts, just let me know!
Love & Hugs,
Tami
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Tami West, PhD
Stress and Mental Health Expert Dr. Tami West uses her entertaining and compelling style to shine a new light on how to transform your life and discover solutions to life’s challenges.
Tami has worked in a variety of industries including healthcare, school nutrition, corporate sales, and 10 years as a public-school teacher. In 2013 she received her PhD in Human Development, studying the connections among stress, emotions, and identity.
Dr. West has spoken in 48 states across the US, as well as the United Kingdom, Australia, and New Zealand. In any given year, Tami speaks to groups with audiences consisting of anywhere from 100 to 3,000 people.
Dr. West is the author of several successful publications including three books: The Stress Club, Life Without the Monsters and Thrive. When she's not speaking or writing, you might find her with her traveling with her husband and family, reading historical fiction, or watching Big Bang Theory.
Tami connects with audiences through real experience, cutting edge research, and transparent stories – all sprinkled with humor! She will make you laugh, cry, and shine a refreshingly new light on life's challenges.
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Contact Tami at tamiwest@tamiwest.com
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