I Hurt Someone: then I found my way back
- Tami West, PhD
- Sep 4
- 3 min read
I walked into a weekend gathering on autopilot—smiles, hellos, the usual swirl. A passing comment brushed against a sore spot for me around mental health. Before I could take a breath, I heard myself say, “I’m not doing this.” It wasn’t a fight; nobody stormed off. But my chest tightened and my jaw went stubborn.
Afterward, I wished I’d asked a curious question instead of drawing a hard line. That was a prickly ten minutes…not a bad day.
Then came the harder moment.
Later, someone let me know that a thing I’d shared publicly had landed as criticism for them. As they spoke, I could feel my cheeks heat and my brain lag behind the words. You know that floaty, slow-motion feeling? Like your body knows before your mind does? I realized: I’d hurt them, even though I hadn’t meant to. My stomach dropped. Part of me wanted to explain. Another part wanted to crawl under a blanket and disappear. Tears were coming. "I've failed," and "She hates me now!"screamed from my primitive brain.
Two truths sat beside me:
My intention had NOT been to hurt.
The impact had still hurt.
Both can be true at the same time.
I apologized—clearly, without a “but.” I cleaned up what I could. I removed what needed removing. And then I felt it all: shame, grief, anger at myself, tenderness for both of us, and a surprising quiet after the tears.
Here’s what helped me climb back into the day:
I named it honestly: This was a hard hour, not a ruined day.
I owned the impact without defending my intent.
I cleaned up the mess I could clean up.
I took care of my nervous system (HALT check: Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired?), water, a short walk, slower breaths.
I set a gentle boundary for next time. Repair doesn’t require closeness; it requires clarity.
I wrote one simple sentence I can use if a similar moment arrives again.
That night, I scribbled a few lines in my notebook—really just a handrail so I wouldn’t keep spinning. Those notes became a tiny one-page guide. I didn’t write it to make a product. I wrote it because I needed it.
In case you ever need it, I cleaned it up and put it in my Resource Vault—not as a business thing, but as a fried-to-friend share. If it helps you turn a hard hour into a better day, that’s all I want.
One more truth I’m keeping: one rupture doesn’t define the story. We get so many chances to repair.
Love & Hugs,
Tami
Engage with the full resources in my Resource Vault
I’d love to hear from you. And if you missed any of the social posts, you can check them out on Facebook or grab your free downloads from the Resource Vault.
Keep the Conversation Going!
Which of these topics helped you most this week? Drop a comment below or send me a message—I love hearing your stories. And if you want downloadable quote cards, images, or deep-dive guides for any of these posts, just let me know!
Love & Hugs,
Tami
Social Media Links
Mental Health Resources:
Tami West, PhD
Stress and Mental Health Expert Dr. Tami West uses her entertaining and compelling style to shine a new light on how to transform your life and discover solutions to life’s challenges.
Tami has worked in a variety of industries including healthcare, school nutrition, corporate sales, and 10 years as a public-school teacher. In 2013 she received her PhD in Human Development, studying the connections among stress, emotions, and identity.
Dr. West has spoken in 48 states across the US, as well as the United Kingdom, Australia, and New Zealand. In any given year, Tami speaks to groups with audiences consisting of anywhere from 100 to 3,000 people.
Dr. West is the author of several successful publications including three books: The Stress Club, Life Without the Monsters and Thrive. When she's not speaking or writing, you might find her with her traveling with her husband and family, reading historical fiction, or watching Big Bang Theory.
Tami connects with audiences through real experience, cutting edge research, and transparent stories – all sprinkled with humor! She will make you laugh, cry, and shine a refreshingly new light on life's challenges.
Television Interviews
Contact Tami at tamiwest@tamiwest.com
Let me know how YOU handle these situations :)