The Forgotten Kindness: Generational Care, Respect, and the Micro-Habits that Change Us
- Tami West, PhD
- 3 days ago
- 5 min read
Welcome to Consider Yourself Hugged! Click below to watch or Click here to listen to Episode 212.
*Disclaimer:
The information in this show is not intended to be therapy or to address your individual situation. It is information based on experiences, opinions, and research. If you need further help, please reach out to one of the resources at the end of the show notes, or others in your area.
hey friends, just me today. Michelle will be back next week (we’re interviewing my longtime road buddy Joy Huber about solo travel for women: SO good!). Today I’m sharing a set of stories that’s been tugging at me for a while, about how we treat one another across generations.
Story one: I watched a news segment about the government shutdown and airports. In the clip, a younger woman hurried through the terminal holding the hand of an older woman, likely her grandmother. It wasn’t cruelty; it was hurry. But watching grandma trot to keep up broke my heart. My intent is not to shame anyone, but to ask: When we’re rushed, do we forget someone else’s pace and dignity? FYI I was not able to post the actual video - the blur became impossible!
Story two: my neighbor (30s, single mom of three) came to trim kittie's nails. With Tim out of town, I’d packed my schedule and blurted, “The house is a mess; it’s so much easier to get things done when he’s gone.” Then I caught myself: I’m saying this to a single mom with three kids at home. She didn’t shame me. She said, “You’ve already done this.” She told me she encourages younger parents in public“You’re doing great. It gets easier.” Wow. That’s the posture I want.
Story three: from The Stress Club. A participant admitted telling her older mother-in-law “must be nice” when she napped. That’s the Stress Club talking, when we hand out worth based on who suffers most.
And my final story: my mom. Complicated history, years of resentment, and then a hospital moment when she leaned her packed, bleeding nose on my shoulder and cried a scared, not-manipulative cry. I decided then: I never want my mom, or any elder, to feel fear or confusion at my hands. “Honor” didn’t mean answering 25 calls a day or doing everything myself; it meant organizing good care, offering respect and compassion, and protecting dignity.
What we want you to take away (and practice)
“I didn’t mean to” isn’t enough, awareness is the work. Match the other person’s pace. Scan your tone and body language.
Respect flows both ways. Encourage the young, honor the old. Assume good intent, not incompetence.
Roles are shifting. The sandwich/club sandwich reality is growing; many of us care upward and downward at once. Plan for it, emotionally and financially. Pew Research Center
Multigenerational living is rising. Benefits (shared costs, care, connection) and real challenges (privacy, boundaries). Decide intentionally. Pew Research Center
Caregiving is common and costly. An estimated 53 million Americans provide unpaid care; it strains time, money, and mental health. Seek support early. AARP
Learn from other cultures. Filial piety, Ubuntu, Indigenous traditions remind us: dignity at every age. (Start with respectful communication guides.) National Institute on Aging
Micro-habits matter.
Check your walking pace; don’t pull.
Ask, don’t assume: “Want a hand with that?”
Pause before correcting; protect dignity.
Verbalize value: “You’re doing a good job.”
Build your village: rotate help, schedule respite, share costs.
Resources & links we promised in the episode
Links are in each takeaway!
What we said we’d share
The blurred airport clip in the YouTube version (faces/identifiers removed).
Links to multigenerational living stats + caregiver resources (above).
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And next season, Consider Yourself Hugged 😘🤗
Mental Health Resources:
Michelle Kixmiller, MSN, MAE, RN, APN, PMHNP-BC
Michelle Kixmiller is a Board Certified Psychiatric Mental Health Nurse Practitioner and Licensed Educator. She works with children and adults with mental health needs including depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder, ADHD, autism, schizophrenia, and obsessive compulsive disorder. Michelle served as a public school teacher and science department chair for over a decade when a family tragedy pulled her in a different direction. The death of her younger brother after a multiple year battle with depression and alcoholism led her to pursue a career in the mental health field. She went back to school to become a registered nurse graduating and gaining experience as a critical care nurse at a level 1 regional burn center prior to completing a graduate degree to become a mental health nurse practitioner. Her vision is holistic care through teamwork to create a more peaceful school environment for students and staff alike. No one should have to struggle alone. Michelle currently works full time for a non-profit community mental health center at an outpatient clinic and works PRN for an inpatient crisis stabilization unit. When not at work she loves spending time with family, traveling, watching movies (not scary ones), running (slowly), and Crossfit. Contact Michelle at Silver Lining Psychiatric Solutions, 615-378-7713 or mkixmill@gmail.com.
Tami West, PhD
Stress and Mental Health Expert Dr. Tami West uses her entertaining and compelling style to shine a new light on how to transform your life and discover solutions to life’s challenges.
Tami has worked in a variety of industries including healthcare, school nutrition, corporate sales, and 10 years as a public-school teacher. In 2013 she received her PhD in Human Development, studying the connections among stress, emotions, and identity.
Dr. West has spoken in 48 states across the US, as well as the United Kingdom, Australia, and New Zealand. In any given year, Tami speaks to groups with audiences consisting of anywhere from 100 to 3,000 people.
Dr. West is the author of several successful publications including three books: The Stress Club, Life Without the Monsters and Thrive. When she's not speaking or writing, you might find her with her traveling with her husband and family, reading historical fiction, or watching Big Bang Theory.
Tami connects with audiences through real experience, cutting edge research, and transparent stories – all sprinkled with humor! She will make you laugh, cry, and shine a refreshingly new light on life's challenges.
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Contact Tami at tamiwest@tamiwest.com