Welcome back to Consider Yourself Hugged! Click below to watch, or Click here to listen to Episode 165.
Welcome back fellow huggers! So, last Wednesday I had 2 events on the same day (Click here to full the full story.) While getting out of the car at my 2nd event, I fell and face-planted on the asphalt in the parking lot. The lesson that applies to our time today?
The event was a women’s workshop sponsored by the White House Area Chamber of Commerce. It’s in my hometown, so I know the leaders – 3 wonderful women! Tim was with me, and a few minutes after the fall (I still wasn’t off the ground yet!), two of them came outside, gently helped me up, walked with me, brought me a seat and ice pack, and stayed with me until I was ready to go compose myself.
WOMEN AND RELATIONSHIPS!! Such an important topic!
Let’s do the same format today for our last week of Stress Awareness Month. First, revisit the Stress in America Report. Second, look deeper at the research. Next, my successes and mistakes. And, finally, tips. Here we go!
From Stress in America 2023 report (link in Part I):
Women were also more likely than men to cite family responsibilities (58% vs. 52%) and relationships (49% vs. 44%) as key stressors in their lives.
What’s more, women were more likely than men to say they “strongly agree” that no one
understands how stressed they are (22% vs. 17%) and were less likely to report that they
can quickly get over stress (54% vs. 65%).
Then I wondered, how is this different from family responsibilities? So I looked at the questions asked in the survey. I searched for the word relationships.
Here’s what I found:
1. What causes you stress: Relationships (e.g., spouse, kids, girl/boyfriend)
2. How many people can you talk to about what’s happening in your life (e.g., stress, relationships, etc.)? Please provide your best estimate.
That’s all. The deeper dive here didn’t give me much. I did find one study titled
THAT was interesting, but not super helpful for our topic.
I also referenced what a few of the women in my study said about women (The Stress Club, pp. 90-91)
Here’s a few:
Kay: Mm-hmm, oh, yeah. I’m telling you, my mother-in-law
once told me, she said, “You know, being a woman’s never fair.
It’s not right, but that’s the way God made it and that’s just
that’s the way it is.”
Jacqueline: I mean, it’s not like they (men) don’t carry some of the
same amount of stress that we do, but we just take it, we take
it so much more to heart, I think, than they do.
Erica: I think, and we kind of talked about this before you got
here, when my girlfriends and I get together we all absolutely
talk openly about the stresses of day-to-day life, and I do think
it is pretty much the norm. I was trying to think when you
said that when the last time I felt like I wasn’t stressed-out,
and I don’t really know when that was, but I will say my hus-
band on the other hand (laughs), he doesn’t seem to be
stressed ever. And his job is, I mean, to me? From the outside
looking in looks very stressful to me. But he just takes it in a
different way. I feel like women almost harbor it and don’t, I
don’t know.
So I decided to make some inferences. If it’s not about family responsibility (housework, shopping, cooking, laundry, home maintenance, child-care, etc.), it might be issues in the relationships:
· Communication
· Worry
· Conflict
· Money
· Blended families
And in those areas, I have done some things well, and others not so much:
Successes:
· Scripting and PowerPhrases
· Therapy
· Allowing my grown children to be grown
· Apologizing
Mistakes:
· Excessive anger
· Unrealistic expectations
· Focusing too much on my needs
· Incorrect assumptions
So let's get to the tips. I LOVED this article and, for the brief time we have together, I thought it was perfect: Six Tips for Building Health Relationships. Here are the 6, but please listen and read the article for more info!
1. Learn about yourself
2. Give the relationship time and energy
3. Develop AND honor boundaries
4. Talk and Listen with respect
5. Let go of what you can’t control
6. Take time to reflect and grow
I hope this has been helpful today, and thank you for joining! As I've always asked in the past, please pass the show link along to your friends and subscribe, download, and review wherever you are listening. If you’re a woman and you haven’t joined our private FB group A Place for Women, please do that now! It’ll be your source of encouragement. I'd love for you to follow my Tami West Seminars Facebook page as well. If you'd like to know more about my Mental Health First Aid Courses, contact me at 615-497-7714 or tamiwest@tamiwest.com.
And until next time, Consider Yourself Hugged 😘🤗
*Disclaimer:
The information in this show is not intended to be therapy or to address your individual situation. It is information based on experiences, opinions, and research. If you need further help, please reach out to one of the resources below, or others in your area.
Mental Health Resources:
Tami West, PhD
Stress and Mental Health Expert Dr. Tami West uses her entertaining and compelling style to shine a new light on how to transform your life and discover solutions to life’s challenges.
Tami has worked in a variety of industries including healthcare, school nutrition, corporate sales, and 10 years as a public-school teacher. In 2013 she received her PhD in Human Development, studying the connections among stress, emotions, and identity.
Dr. West has spoken in 48 states across the US, as well as the United Kingdom, Australia, and New Zealand. In any given year, Tami speaks to groups with audiences consisting of anywhere from 100 to 3,000 people.
Dr. West is the author of several successful publications including three books: The Stress Club, Life Without the Monsters and Thrive. When she's not speaking or writing, you might find her with her traveling with her husband and family, reading historical fiction, or watching Big Bang Theory.
Tami connects with audiences through real experience, cutting edge research, and transparent stories – all sprinkled with humor! She will make you laugh, cry, and shine a refreshingly new light on life's challenges.
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Contact Tami at tamiwest@tamiwest.com or follow her at Tami West Seminars.