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Show Notes CYH Episode #52: Adult Bullying with Donna Clark Love

Welcome friend to the podcast closet, today brining you Consider Yourself Hugged Episode 51: The Love Challenge Part II with Angela Howell. (Click here or pic to listen.)

I’m Dr. Tami West, here every week to bring you tips on living a life that brings you mental and emotional wellbeing.

About Donna Clark Love (find links at the end of the Show Notes)

Donna Clark Love is an internationally recognized bully expert, workshop trainer and conference keynote speaker. She is a Licensed Chemically Dependent Counselor, a certified trainer for Stephen Covey’s “Seven Habits of Highly Effective People” and a certified mediator/conflict resolution trainer. Donna has been featured on the NBC Today Show and the NBC Evening News to highlight successful prevention programming. She has been featured in Forbes Magazine on workplace bullying. Recently, she was asked to provide expert commentary on digital bullying/harassment for Good Morning America. In 2005, People Magazine recognized her as the ‘cyber bullying expert’.

In October 2003, she was asked to highlight effective Bullying Prevention Policies for the National Department of Education. Donna has trained on Indian Reservations, American Air Force Bases, and worked with the Maori Tribe in New Zealand. Contracted by the Belizean government, she trained government employees and teachers on how to combat Bullying and Workplace Violence. In Februrary 2018, Donna trained and consulted with Nasa/Johnson Space Center employees on addressing culture, peer conflicts and digital bullying via social media. She especially values her work with non-profit organizations, especially churches, and has preached sermons and conducted workshops for her local church, “Mercy Street”.

The success of Donna’s groundbreaking and dynamic trainings has gained her international recognition. Donna was asked to speak at the The International Workplace Bullying and Harrasment Conference in Bordeaux, France in June 2018. Donna is a captivating speaker who connects, empathizes, engages and inspires her audience to make lasting changes.

Here are a few nuggets I took out of our time together (find all of this and more in Thrive!)

General ideas:

  • There are not a lot of workplace bullying & cyberbullying policies.

  • Examples of possible bullying behaviors that might surprise you (paraphrased) – p. 19

1. Impossible deadlines that set up person up to fail

2. Unreasonable duties/workloads unfavorable to one person – creates undue pressure or harm

  • Adult bullying differs from childhood bullying: Adults are not looking for "defects" like children might. They are looking for strong people/leaders – those moving up the ladder. This can confuse us as adults: "I’m well-liked, teacher of the year, have my doctorate – I can’t be bullied!"

Some suggestions on what to do:

  • Document everything: time, where you were, etc.

  • Don’t talk to workplace people about what’s going on. Who’s trustworthy? You simply don’t know!

  • Don’t use feeling words; stick to the facts.

  • Go to your supervisor.

  • Follow the chain of command.

Why don’t people speak up?

  • They've watched others speak up & nothing happens.

  • They're scared they’ll lose position or be demoted.

  • They fear they will be publicly shamed in front of peers/not believed.

Is It Always Bullying?

Sometimes it's not true bullying, but someone exhibits mean behaviors. This person has a heart, and you can have a conversation, use feeling words, and he/she is willing to own their part: “I didn’t know I was that harsh! I apologize!”. Not all mean behaviors are bullying. True bullies aren’t going to care. Maybe 5 – 7% true bullies. They have to have an ouch!

Am I a Bully? (Download checklist from Donna's website)

Self-assess if YOU are the bully or exhibiting bully-type behaviors, and ask yourself these questions before you open your mouth in a frustrating situation:

  • Does it need to be said?

  • Does it need to be said by me?

  • Does it need to be said now?

What Can You Do?

  • Become an upstander rather than a bystander

  • Get support/help of someone you trust

Quote: I am only one, but I am one. I cannot do everything, but I can do something. And I will not let what I cannot do interfere with what I can do.

Edward Everett Hale

And sadly, that’s our time for today. I hope you’ll pass along some love in your world this week. As always, Please pass the show link along to a friend or two and subscribe, download, and review wherever you are listening. Look around here on my website to get info if you’d like me to speak at your next event. And I’d love for you to follow me/contact me and share your stories in any of the ways below!

Phone: 615-497-7714

Thank you so much for listening and growing our special community!

I pray that each day you remember to love, to serve, to feel worthy, to grow, to connect, to change, and to be the best person you can be for yourself AND for the other humans in your world!

And until next time, Consider Yourself Hugged 😘🤗

Promised Links

Donna Clark Love, Consultant/Trainer/Speaker

Tel/281/467-4861 (You'll find the bullying assessments here.)


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